Dildo Review – Leviathan by Dread the Empire

Dildo Review – Leviathan by Dread the Empire

This is our first toy review for Dread the Empire, a small company run out of Austin Texas. Tonight we’re reviewing their ‘Leviathan’ dildo, or rather, three of them. That might be a little spoiler for the conclusion; we bought all of these out of pocket. Like so many of our reviews, this isn’t as simple as ‘we like it’, the big question is if Leviathan and Dread The Empire[DTE] are right for you.

It would be dishonest if I didn’t mention that excellent and short wait times are becoming boringly standard for our experience with independent toy sellers on Etsy, we expect those now and one thing you won’t be dreading from the empire is waiting. We typically have our orders in hand at about the week mark and that’s with some rather inefficient routing by the carrier—the truck from Austin whizzes right by us to the regional distro, significantly east of us, then it has to come back our direction a full day later because we’re in a logistical donut hole from that location. Packaging is discreet which is thankfully also standard with our indie experience.

When it comes to Leviathan itself choosing your size is really important. Emily enjoys Leviathan the most as a clenching size challenge. For her that makes the Medium her best size, but I’ve seen comments about the small being too big for some. As always, when size is a major factor we include a detailed chart including our D-score rating, and you’ll find that just below. Knowing what you can take will make or break this toy for you. The shape of Leviathan heavily lends itself to the clenching use case, with a giant swell midway down the shaft, and with the lower part of the shaft being the smallest section it’s almost a vaginal plug. For those of you that haven’t played this way, this basically relies on using the sensation of being full to get off. Some women are more sensitive to this sensation than others, and Emily can get all the way to a long continuous orgasm with just fullness. Sometimes she enjoys adding a vibrator or double penetration or both but getting full is often more than enough.

Here’s the table, After the swell midway downn the toy tapers and gets smaller, so wanting for table real estate we omit that measurement.

Quick Reminder: D-score is a measurement that essentially gives us the number of median sized dicks to equal the girth of a toy. You can read D-Score more easily as “This is how many dicks this is worth in girth”. So a D-Score of 2.5 would be 2 and a half dicks of girth, to make it simple.

Head DiameterD-ScoreSwell DiameterD-ScoreUsable Length
Petite1.1”0.61.5”1.14.75”
Small1.3”0.82”1.95”
Medium1.75”1.42.8”3.76.75”

As you can see, there’s a huge—yuge?—size jump from small to medium. Yeah, it’s just as dramatic as the image at the top of this post makes it look. If we had to ding anywhere, it’d be here. The size jump from petite to small is pretty smooth but the size jump from small to medium is huge. I’ll be clear, there is no silicone dildo manufacturer I’ve ever gotten to know enough to buy from that didn’t have at least one case of this and some, like Bad Dragon, are downright notorious for it but I feel obligated to mention it when I see it. Jumps like this are why we created D-Score.

That being said, Emily has found a use for all these sizes. Medium is typically a solo affair, a challenge she can do with or without warmup toys, but she also enjoys dp fun with the small and petite working in tandem. Vaginally the petite doesn’t do much for her but the small switches use case from clenching toy to thrusting toy quite well—for her. Do keep in mind that we are talking about the same woman that rides a large Apollo—after some work—like a thrusting toy though.

We do feel however that petite size just loses the toys identity. If you look at the size chart above—and you can see it in the pictures—you can see how the small and the medium sizes have much larger diameter jumps than the petite in real terms. Those two sizes preserve the toys identity well with the bulging swell down the middle, but once you hit petite size that feature seems to become a victim of scale. Further still there’s only a ten dollar gap between petite and small, and for us that makes small the hands down winner between those two sizes. We can’t recommend going smaller than that, at least not for Leviathan. The medium has a price jump to match its size jump, and we’re fine with that, it’s a hefty piece of silicone and a worthy size challenge. We strongly recommend both small and medium sizes, depending on your personal preference and experience level of course.

In any size, Leviathan’s pour quality is great and there is rarely a choice of color we don’t like. Leviathan is also a very smooth toy and you won’t be finding a lot of texture here. We think that makes a lot of sense from the perspective of size challenges. All of our Leviathans have a pleasant amount of squish to them, coming in with a shore rating of 00-30 for the petite and small and 00-50 for the medium. They’re really soft and top heavy, getting all three to stand on their own for pictures was a challenge. Silicone is silicone though, and in any size but petite we recommend having some good lubricant on hand to combat the “grabby” nature of the material.

As far as Emily goes, medium Leviathan seems to be on the very edge of her tolerance when it comes to having to warm up with something else. Any bigger and she’d have to use an intermediate toy to get her warmed up for the medium. If you’re a regular reader, you’ll know about where that falls in relation to your preferences, if you are a new reader I suggest hitting up our other reviews to get a sense of Emily’s size preferences. I will say, it’s likely not a beginner preference. Pushing boundaries is exactly where we think Leviathan shines the most, and with a name like that we wouldn’t have it any other way. We will definitely be increasing our soft silicone crab collection going forward, that’s for sure.

Given the large difference between the two, if you already know you like clenching focused play or want to give it the old college try, we think medium or small will cover most of you in the size department. If you are more interested in a thrusting toy the ‘Reaper’ and ‘Thunder’ models seem to fit that bill better with their more accessible diameters and length ratios, but we won’t be reviewing those tonight. Our petite and small ran us 45 and 55 USD respectively, and all things considered we think the small is the best overall deal of the three. Our medium clocked in at 125 USD and that price firmly brings it into the category of worth it but only if you know for sure that’s what you need. The 125 bracket also leaves it directly competing with many of Bad Dragon’s toys in similar sizes. Crackers comes to mind as the closest ultra-textured comparable toy—that very texture being the most divisive part about Crackers. Lack of customization options could hurt Leviathan here if you can’t find a pour you like or have a specific custom in mind, as customs are currently not part of DTE offerings. On the other hand DTE pours have features by default that will cost you at BD, triple or quad fades with glow in the dark and sparkles is not something you get for the base price at BD that’s for sure. The small is much easier to justify as an exploratory purchase in our book, and even for a size aficionado like Emily gets the job done.

That leaves our strongest recommendation going to the ‘small’ which, don’t forget, has a D-Score of basically 2 at the swell—roughly equivalent to two average sized dicks at once—and for most of our readers will be quite filling at a price that’s quite welcoming, solid recommend.

Dildo Review – Hookah by Tantus

Dildo Review – Hookah by Tantus

Today’s review is singularly and easily the most work I’ve had to put into any review to date. I’ve noticed that when I’m on the fence about something the urge to do the deep dive gets very strong. When something is obviously bad or obviously good there’s a lot less work to do in parsing where something falls short and where personal preference is or isn’t asserting itself. But we go a bit further than that today, our little journey is going to take us straight into the heart of the manufacturing process, cross a bridge of changing preferences, and coin the term soft-spoiled.

I was mulling over my older and newer reviews a week back and thinking I might want to return to the format I used for the Apollo review, but after I started to write this one I realized that the format of each individual review was going to vary by what I needed to say about it. This one is going to be more of an essay. For those of you who need a tl;dr version, the Hookah we purchased is a rough ride due to the combination of shape and hardness, but on the balance Emily enjoys it. There are big caveats though, including the fact that your Hookah may be substantially softer and squishier than ours. Before we really get started with that in earnest though, have some pretty pictures of Hookah. It’s mirin’ time.

All hand poured silicone toys are going to have some variance in them, and the Hookah is no exception, but the variance in the Hookah’s hardness was so substantial that Tantus made some changes to the manufacturing process as a result of our investigation. Kudos to Tantus for taking feedback seriously enough to do that in the first place, but now it’s time to start our story in earnest.

When Tantus released their Magma model it stuck out to me as a lot bolder of a design than I was accustomed to seeing from them. Up to that point Tantus was the manufacturer that offered body safe silicone design in mainstream shapes, to us anyway. That’s not really a criticism per se, that approach was effective in securing a lot of our business as we transitioned out of potentially toxic toys—shout out to Dangerous Lilly—to body safe toys, but Emily quickly desired something more than a proximal penis out of her toys and we both got sucked head-long into the world of fantasy dildos. For a while, we didn’t buy from Tantus anymore, and the reasons why are very important. Tantus’ toys did not get worse, they are as good as ever, the company didn’t do something bad to us, our experiences had been great. Heck, we own an O2 from the original discontinued run. We were changing and leaving their target demographic. I saw the Magma and was excited. Was Tantus moving in our direction? We went to their website and saw it even came in two sizes and two colors. Surely, we thought to ourselves, this is Tantus dipping their toe into the unusual designs side of the market, Steamhunk not withstanding. We read the dimensions on Magma, too small for Emily in either size really, but we started keeping a very close eye on what Tantus was doing and had very positive feelings about this direction.

Then the Hookah dropped. This was even more obviously targeted at the fantasy crowd, or perhaps people leaning that way. We think that’s great either way and I in particular am critical of the human penis replacement design philosophy for dildos and much prefer a designed for pleasure approach. That could and perhaps should be its own blog post. It was enough that we committed to give it a try. It was cast in the new ‘super soft’ formula and that appealed to us too. We checked out the dimensions and they were definitely enough for Emily. We placed an order fairly quickly.

It wasn’t long before our Hookah arrived. We chose blue, we had more than enough pink toys and Emily deliberately wanted more blue in her collection. It doesn’t seem to matter how many of these toys we get, sometimes we misjudge the size. Hookah was significantly bigger than we anticipated, but what we anticipated was at the low end of Emily’s tastes, so we were quite happy about this particular misjudgment. On close inspection of the toy we found some beads of silicone in the grooves that form the ‘swirly’ look for Hookah. I must say we were a little disappointed by this. Yes these are hand made toys, we get that imperfections happen, but this seemed like a lot of them and for a simple detail. We own a lot of toys with much finer and more detailed features in softer silicone that are absolutely flawless. Something with that mold? I dunno, but it was a bit of a hype killer. The finish was nice and satiny, similar to the Vamp, also from Tantus, and we prefer this finish to the glossier one found on a lot of our Tantus toys. Emily wasted no time giving it a go, and that was the first time we noticed something was off.

Almost immediately Emily was complaining about how rough of a ride Hookah was. I found this very strange as Emily typically gets the firmer options from our favorite fantasy toy makers, enjoys glass toys, and enjoys toys much bigger than Hookah. Emily had to stop using it and didn’t find it pleasurable. I reminded Emily that she may still be sore from having ridden her firm Nova from the night before. Nova dwarfs Hookah and always leaves Emily sore for a few days, and she begrudgingly agreed to try it again later—yeah she was that convinced it was a no go. Nova by the way, is purportedly in Shore 8A hardness. That purportedly bit is going to get some attention later. Hookah felt firmer than that. This struck me as odd. “Super soft compared to what?” I asked myself.

My curiosity could not wait until Emily had recovered, I went and purchased a deurometer to test the hardness of our toys. It was something I felt I needed for the blog anyway but it was one of those eventually kind of things, at least up until that point. My curiosity demanded I get to the bottom of this. I had recently been educating myself on the finer details of silicone firmness ratings at Felicity’s blog. She has a lovely comprehensive guide to toy firmness on her website that I encourage you to check out. I immediately went to town on everything measured on the A scale in our collection. I wasn’t getting the numbers I thought I would, our 8A firm toys from Bad Dragon for instance were measuring at ~3A, and our Shore 5A toys from the same manufacturer weren’t even registering on the scale. I tested on other manufacturers toys. Tantus’ older—and I do mean old, like Echo w/handle and the version of Vamp with the bullet hole old—models were measuring between ~30 and ~40 where I expected them to. A Shore 10A tentacle from Pleasure Forge was registering about where it should, between 7A and 10A depending on where I poked it. I could never get the Shore 5A tentacle from Goblin to register either. The ‘bases’ of any of these toys seemed to be a place where the reading would be lower. Hookah was consistently getting between 10A and 14A, 10 being the lowest measurement at the base. This lined up with hand feel and experience, for us ‘Super Soft’ super wasn’t.

I had to sit back and stew on the numerical facts, Emily’s period had arrived and while that’s not a problem for me it tends to make her feel very unsexy and she typically doesn’t engage in any pleasurable activity while that’s happening, especially on heavier days. So here I was spinning my wheels about this ‘super soft’ branding while waiting for that to be over. I could see labeling it as that from the standpoint of comparing it to the 30A and 40A toys they have for sure. We however, review from a fantasy toy enthusiast perspective and when we hear ‘super soft’ we’re thinking 3A tops, maybe 00-50 or 00-30. It was jarring for us, and I was starting to wonder exactly who it was Tantus was marketing to, because it didn’t feel like it was us. I also considered mass market appeal and the details that go with. I don’t actually consider 00-30 and 00-50 hard enough for mass market, not because they aren’t enjoyable, but because it takes enthusiast level care to keep those things around. Silicone that soft is prone to nicks and cuts from almost anything, especially finger nails. I can just see the support tickets now from launching a mass market toy in that firmness. In fact, that original O2 we have? We retired it. We keep it around for memories sake and because we think that maybe one day we’ll try to repair it, but it has scratches and nicks and lacerations in the soft outer layer that appeared not only from finger nails and things like that, but just by being stretched repeatedly during thrusting. That’s where the largest tear came from actually, located just beneath the coronal ridge. I also ruminated on the idea that Emily used to enjoy those 30A and 40A toys. Even on our own blog the Vamp gets a glowing review. So why was 10A-14A suddenly a problem? Why could Emily still enjoy glass toys and not this one? Well, I think that’s two things. One, Hookah has much more aggressive features than those toys, and two, Emily has gotten very used to the much softer firmnesses of fantasy toys. I remarked to her that her vagina had become soft-spoiled. We had a giggle over that one.

Close-up of imperfections in swirls

I’m happy we kept the old retired O2 around though. I like that we can still include our old O2 in pictures like this.

Eventually we got to a place where we could try Hookah again. Soreness from Nova was indeed a factor, and Emily managed to bring herself to orgasm with Hookah this time and even engage in some DP play. Hooray! Emily noted that Hookah was still on the very edge of too firm for her and that while the ride was worth it, it was still rough. It should be noted at this time though, that for those of you who like ‘knot’ play Hookah is essentially a series of knots. Neither of us feel comfortable calling those features merely ridges.

I sat down to prepare our review, but something didn’t feel right. My investigative curiosity was not satisfied. Something felt off to me. Surely, this wasn’t what ‘super soft’ was meant to be. As luck would have it, a brief engagement with Felicity regarding her Magma review revealed that Tantus had intended Hookah to be a ~8.5A experience. I inquired further as Shore 8.5A is a firmness I think this toy would absolutely shine in. We got into a brief chat about deurometer technique and it seemed I was doing everything right. We talked about Bad Dragon firmness and yep, we both got low readings from their toys, wasn’t just me. What did seem to be just me however was how hard Hookah was. I reached out to Tantus for comment informing them that I’d be delaying my review slightly to give them a chance to respond to my inquiry about the seemingly abberant hardness of our Hookah. I was about to go ahead with the review, having not heard from them in six days when I got a curious but short response in my email from Tantus support.


 Thank you for alerting us to this issue. After much digging we found a procedural issue in production that ended up making the toys inconsistent. This has now been addressed and the shore hardness of the Super Soft is now consistently soft. Quality Control is also empowered and encouraged to stop the line if they find any more inconsistencies.


Again, your voice really matters, and we are very grateful for your input.

Well okay then. My gut instincts win again. Seriously I always get into trouble any time I ignore those. However, without any offer to send us a toy in the intended verified firmness, we can only review what we have. I imagine there are also still plenty of Hookahs made with the old process sitting in the channel, which means if you buy one today, by Tantus’ own admission, the firmness you’re getting could vary significantly which kinda makes the Hookah hard to review in the first place.

So what’s the bottom line here? Well we think we’ve hit a situation where our personal tastes and acclimation to softer toys are already pre-disposing our experience to be worse with Hookah than yours might be. I think the combination of 10A+ firmness in our Hookah and the aggressive features of the design make for a rougher experience than intended. Even in the intended ~8.5A of the Hookah I think that might be the case. As I stated earlier, Emily still enjoys her glass toys, like her Twist from Crystal Delights, she loves her girthy Nova even if it leaves her a bit sore later. It’s not even necessarily that Hookah’s girth is the issue, it’s the changes in girth that are resulting in this experience. Some of you though, some of you really enjoy a rough ride, especially you knot enthusiasts, and if that’s you, hoh boy I think you’ll have fun with Hookah. We have to be a little more careful about when and how we use it than we were expecting. Hookah by the way, even with the production flaws I was talking about earlier, is a beautifully crafted toy and sits with the rest of our collection not looking a bit out of place. On that note, that confirms to us that Hookah is an attempt to market towards the fantasy crowd and in that capacity I have some advice for Tantus, don’t call anything 5A or higher super soft if it is indeed those people you are trying to make into satisfied customers, our crowd looks at Shore 8A with skepticism about comfort.

I’d like to reiterate at this juncture that our second go round with Hookah did provide a significant degree of pleasure and we did end up enjoying it on the whole. It won’t however be enjoying reach-for-first status with that degree of firmness. Hookah also comes with some classic Tantus staple features, like harness compatibility and that same flared base makes Hookah anal safe. We don’t think we’ll be trying Hookah that way though. If you go to Hookah’s product page here, they also have a very well done sizing chart that describes every single knot on this the toy. Very handy indeed as we generally don’t bother with anything but ballpark measurements on shapes this irregular. You can get Hookah in two colors, as we mentioned before we chose Rockabilly Blue, but it also comes in Punk Rock Pink and both models have a high degree of sparkle to them.

I think the hardest thing about this review has been that Hookah is neither a recommend or a don’t recommend. It comes with a pile of caveats that essentially boil down to the idea that you’ll have to use your past experience as a guide for whether or not you’ll enjoy Hookah. With that comes the only concrete recommendation we can make. Hookah is not a toy I’d recommend to newbies. I think the strongest recommendation we can give for the toy are to people who are really into knotting and people who crave a rough ride now and again. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and sticking with us to the end. I hope you’ve found this useful. Until next time!

Dildo Review(s) – Merfolk XL and Chaos Beast by Pleasure Forge

Dildo Review(s) – Merfolk XL and Chaos Beast by Pleasure Forge

We get a double header today with two lovely items from Pleasure Forge. The Illithid we reviewed a bit over a week ago came in the same order with these two and we figured it was high time to finish reviewing that order as it was a month old. Also I really wanted an excuse to post this picture I took of them for funsies when they arrived in order to pay homage to the D&D roots of these toys. Chaos Beast is first up, followed by Merfolk XL.

From Left to Right – Illithid, Merfolk XL, and Chaos Beast

Chaos Beast

Introducing the Chaos Beast. This is a tentacle class toy with a twist—literally. Ours came in Miami Heat, a swirly marble of black, purple, orange, and pink (We updated the Illithid review to correct the reference to this color, Illithid was in Miami Vice). Topping this hot quadruple marble is a mica sparkle and UV reactivity. Firmness is Shore 10A which is normally what we’d consider approaching uncomfortable firm but the Chaos Beast doesn’t feel that way. This is largely owed to the wild dimensions of the toy and I suspect it would have a harder time keeping its shape if you went softer. It’s definitely a firmer silicone than we’re used to but we can tell if this were a normally phallic shaped toy we’d feel that a lot harder than we do. The Chaos Beast tends to twist, bend, and give rather than resist.

How do I even begin to describe the physical appearance of this toy? You should click through that gallery to help you follow along. The shaft of this tentacle is a sinewy double helix. Filling the void of the helix is more fleshy goodness, smooth on the front, suckers on the back. As you go down the shaft the texture on the double helix itself goes from smooth to this sorta micro-ridged printer texture. The joint of the shaft and base is adorned by…..something. Is that hair, is that tentacles, is that fire, is that hair-tentacle-fire? It’s chaos, that’s what it is. I will note that ours had some very minor casting imperfections towards the base. These are tiny, purely cosmetic, and you’ll find imperfections like these fairly routinely in hand-poured silicone toys, however, we will be pointing these out wherever we see them. Topping off the already chaotic features of this tentacle is a, head? A sucker? A sucker-head? Okay, it’s a sucker head, with…teeth? The backside of the head is adorned with 3 nicely sized ridges, but that other side, there’s a lot going on there. Honestly, I expected to find casting imperfections here if anywhere, but on our Chaos Beast there are none on this crazy, tooth filled…what are those bumps anyway? Our sucker-head mouth is apparently full of clitorises. We’ll be getting to those in more detail soon.

So with all that going on how exactly are you supposed to use this thing? Emily put the Chaos Beast through its paces and some of the answers surprised us. Let’s start with that head. You can feel all of that texture internally, the ridges, the sucker-mouth-bumps, all of it. What surprised Emily about the head though was how great it was as an external stimulator. Her clitoris loved all those little sometimes also clit looking bumps rubbed all over it. The shaft is roughly the same story, surprisingly good for external use and feels-like-it-looks when used internally.

We’re not going to bother with our typical D-score table for this beasty. The shape is too irregular for that to really mean anything here and the girth is not the main star of this attraction, nor is the overall length, and most of you should be able to fit this comfortably. Even the measurements themselves are tricky, sure 6.7 inches is actually decently long but the Chaos Beast bends, folds, twists, and gives, and I think those of you with shallower vaginas might be surprised how much deeper you can take Chaos beast than the measurements would suggest, but for the sake of completeness here’s a quick rundown of the basic numbers:

Length: Overall 8.7in / Usable 6.7in
Circumference: Max 6.3in / Min 3.9in
Diameter: Max 1.97in / Min 1.0in

Like most toys in this size class, Emily found Chaos Beast very comfortable for dual penetration play. One warning though, we don’t consider the base flared/obstructed enough to be anal safe and we did not attempt to use Chaos Beast that way. Illithid, myself, or Goblin’s Tentacle played back door partner to Chaos Beast in our trials and the results were pleasant.

We picked up our Chaos Beast for 50 bucks before shipping, another steal from Pleasure Forge. We would be remiss not to include that the aesthetic took a small amount of time to get over. Chaos Beast certainly lives up to its name and there was a, albeit brief, moment of what do we even do with this? We can see some people, even fantasy inclined people, being put off by that, but fortunately this isn’t going to be a huge surprise, you should be able to work out whether you’re going to like how it looks simply through the pictures provided above. For everyone else Chaos Beast promises an intriguing, versatile, and unique set of sensations with premium colorations in an entry level price tag—entry level in the context of fantasy silicone toys anyway.

For those of you building out an existing collection the Chaos Beast is a strong and easy recommendation. Newbies to toys in general would be taking a bit of a gamble with unknown preferences in our opinion but we thoroughly enjoyed the sensations. We think there are better basics and first-buys though if that’s you. For those of you experienced with toys but perhaps just looking to dip your toes into the fantasy market, buy with confidence.

Merfolk XL

Alright size queens and size-aspirational onlookers, this next one is for you. Welcome to Merfolk XL in Shore 00-30, the gentlest fisting warm-up this side of a game table. Let’s take a moment to just gaze and take him all in; you’ll be spending at least as much time getting him in you.

Also lets talk about this King Cake coloration. We typically avoid green as a component color in our toys and we really don’t get the whole carnival thing, but here it just worked and we had to have it. I usually save the size chart stuff for later, but the whole point of the Merfolk XL—there are other sizes available if you’re not into the whole stretch thing by the way—is the size.

Merfolk XLCircumferenceDiameterD-Score
Minimum Girth7.5″2.22.27
Maximum Girth9.1″2.954.1

Quick Reminder: D-score is a measurement that essentially gives us the number of median sized dicks to equal the girth of a toy. You can read D-Score more easily as “This is how many dicks this is worth in girth”. So a D-Score of 2.5 would be 2 and a half dicks of girth, to make it simple.

Size queens should know this already, but for the sake of completeness we’re going to remind you that under no circumstances should a toy with these dimensions be deployed without copious amounts of lubricant handy and you should have a warm up toy, or two.

One thing we really like about Merfolk XL is the length and the top loaded max diameter. Merfolk XL measures just over 10 inches long with 8.7 of those inches usable, enough to satisfy the depth play needs of anyone vaginally. Emily isn’t even remotely in a place where we’d consider reviewing this for anal play and the shape isn’t technically anal safe anyway, just as an aside. In other toys with dimensions close to these, we’ve had issues hitting the max length of Emily’s vagina before we ran out of max girth—our large Spritz was in this boat and so is our large unflared Chance—but the Merfolk XL delivers that punch upfront in the large bulbous head. This is where the Shore 00-30 firmness(is that even an appropriate word to use when referring to something this soft?) really stretches its legs and shines. This stretch won’t leave you sore as the 00-30 squishes and accommodates.

There is minor gentle but noticeable texturing on Merfolk XL as you can see in the pictures, but this thing seems designed to scale up without becoming uncomfortable and it definitely accomplishes that. On that note, we know a few owners of the smaller sizes and they just adore the overall shape of this toy as well and we’re considering getting a ‘normal’ large for this reason. The lack of aggressive textures may also be responsible for the fact that our Merfolk XL is flawless, completely free of any perceptible imperfections cosmetic or otherwise. Winning.

As I alluded to before, the Merfolk XL has been our best fisting prep toy that we’ve ever owned. That was curious to me as we own toys that have a larger maximum D-score like our large Apollo. Also for the record, as these things vary a bit, my fist(duck-billed) is 10.5 inches around. I’m not sure if that is large or small on the scale but there it is, and that’s what Merfolk XL excels in prepping Emily to take. We think that has to do with the 00-30 silicone not leaving things sore before we start. Whatever the reason, as subjective as it may be, Merfolk XL just does this job better for us than anything else in our warchest.

Silicone toys in sizes like this typically come with hefty price tags to match, and Merfolk XL is no exception. However, Pleasure Forge delivers excellent value in this area again. At 100 bucks even before shipping, this is a lot of silicone for your money. The size queens reading this probably raised an eyebrow or two at that, there are much smaller toys that hit triple digits, much less hit it even. That price tag however, is still three digits and puts Merfolk XL way outside of beginner territory, though I’d argue the size already did that. But lets put aside paragraphs of who this toy isn’t for, because Merfolk XL is targeting a specific group of people—size queens—and y’all won’t be disappointed with Merfolk XL.

That wraps up our purchases from Pleasure Forge, and boy do they live up to their name, providing consistent value, beautiful toys, excellent craftsmanship, and stellar customer service. Whether you’re a size queen, fantasy newbie, or looking to expand an existing collection, you can’t go wrong with Pleasure Forge. We are truly impressed. We hope to bring you more reviews of their inventory in the future.

I am not a paid reviewer. My content comes from me and I was not solicited in any manner for this review. My thoughts and opinions are my own.

Dildo Review – Illithid by Pleasure Forge

Dildo Review – Illithid by Pleasure Forge

Another review another indie manufacturer. Today we’re looking at the Illithid by PleasureForge. Pleasure Forge is based in Jacksonville, Florida and has its roots in a love for popular tabletop games. As such a lot of their designs are named after and inspired by high-fantasy monsters and the Illithid is no exception. Those critters are known for sucking your brains out through your nose and given Emily’s mental state after a session with one of these, we’d have to say the name is apt.

Fitting with a pattern you might be used to by now, the Illithid can be ordered in many colors, sizes, and firmnesses, so we need to disclose the configuration of ours. Our Illithid is a ‘Medium’ sized option in Shore 00-50 firmness in the ‘Miami Vice’ coloration and is UV reactive. I’ll let the pictures do the talking for a bit.

For overall design there are some intriguing things going on with the Illithid. It starts with a rather pointed and slightly curved head, rapidly widening down onto a girthy shaft with v-shaped ridges on the underside. Squiggling down from the head and also up from the base is a tentacle texturing. It should be mentioned, as this is a turn off for some, that the base size is accomplished with the ‘balls’ look, even if that is accented by some heavy tentacle shapes. The next design choice is going to be featured throughout the entire review as it has heavy impact on Emily’s enjoyment of Illithid, the head only has a coronal ridge on one side, and that’s the opposite side of the v-shaped ridges. To put it another way, the coronal ridge follows the side of the shaft that is smooth and the easy tentacle texturing follows the side of the shaft that is ridged.

When Emily inserts coronal ridge facing down, the ridge massages the posterior vaginal wall and hits some very pleasant spots while doing so, but while that’s going on the v-ridges are facing upward, engaging her G-spot with a texture more intense than the size of the ridges would suggest on their own. As an aside, she was quite perplexed by how much she could feel those ridges, we have toys that are far more aggressively textured that don’t deliver the same results. When she flips Illithid over she gets the coronal ridge action on her g-spot, or deep, or uses it for entrance play, wherever she really wants it, but the ridges shave shifted to her anterior wall and they do a delightful number on her perineum which she adores. So far in our indie manufacturer adventure we are 3/3 for toys that are beginner to intermediate friendly that have interesting enough designs to please our size queen—if any other size queens are paying attention, don’t you worry, our XL Merfolk(also from Pleasure Forge)and Large Leviathan(from Dread The Empire) reviews are coming soon.

On that note it’s time to talk about size. The Illithid in medium size is a squatty boy, with an appreciable girth that is packed into a short-ish 5.1 usable inches with 7.1 inches overall length. As for the girth, chart time!

IllithidCircumferenceDiameterD-Score
Minimum Girth5.1″1.4″0.92
Maximum Girth7.1″2.2″2.3

Quick Reminder: D-score is a measurement that essentially gives us the number of median sized dicks to equal the girth of a toy. You can read D-Score more easily as “This is how many dicks this is worth in girth”. So a D-Score of 2.5 would be 2 and a half dicks of girth, to make it simple.

We would put these measurements into the beginner to intermediate territory for girth. Due to the softness of 00-50 silicone however we’re going to lean more towards the side of beginner, but remember that Illithid doesn’t disappoint our size queen. She’s done DP play with Illithid but solo is -equally- as pleasurable for her, that’s important. You can really squeeze silicone like this in and the stretch isn’t going to be rough. On that note, we are happy to announce, and Emily especially, that anal play is becoming more and more comfortable for Emily and we were able to test Illithid for that use case. Emily’s favorite part of anal play so far is entrance sensation and the ridges on the Illithid gave her an experience that was downright pleasurable, something that was rare for her but is becoming less so. This was such a fluke that we repeated the experience twice on separate days to make sure. Confidence with the Illithid experience also gave her the moxie to tackle those Sylph ridges we mentioned in our last review and we’ve updated it with that experience as well. For either use case, we recommend generous lubricant. The texture on Illithid is slightly grabby and you’d have to be very worked up vaginally before we could recommend diving in un-lubed. Anally you may have to push a little harder than you’re accustomed to due to the squish factor of 00-50 silicone, but the head shape turns what could have been a chore into a ‘just a little harder’ adjustment.

This is our first review of an item from Pleasure Forge, and once again we can report that ordering was easy, shipping was excellent. In fact, we have something to mention about shipping in a sec, it’s related to the inventory management. Inventory comes in waves known as ‘drops’, a term that will be familiar to fantasy dildo enthusiasts. Custom orders do not happen often and have very limited slots. If it’s not available in their Etsy store you’ll have to wait for it to become available. That includes getting things in the size you want or the firmness you want. I will mention though, it is very rare I see a pour I don’t want. Pour is a term used to describe the sum total of the craftsmanship from the colors used to the pattern generated by the literal pouring action of filling the mold, but it is what it is, what you see is what you get. So when we caught a very lovely drop one particular evening, we got a little HIT THE BUTTON crazy, and our 3 items ended up in two orders. Without hesitation, Pleasure Forge refunded us one of our shipping charges and merged the orders. I was so happy for this, it happened just as I was typing an e-mail asking if it could be done. We recommend following their Twitter or favoriting their Etsy store to get notifications of fresh inventory.

I can hear some of you now. 3 items from a company you never dealt with before?! Aren’t these expensive?! Yes and no. Pleasure Forge came highly recommended to us by members of the fantasy community that we trust, more importantly, the mediums are a steal. Our Illithid was only 55 dollars before shipping and taxes, that’s only a Jackson from hitting a price we’d consider budget territory in a size that’s friendly to beginners. In other words, there’s absolutely nothing stopping us from recommending the Illithid as a fantasy toy newbie’s first buy or a collectors next craving. While it pleases our size queen though, you won’t find this toy satisfying if that’s the specific experience you are craving. With gentle texturing that more than gets the job done, a pleasant soft firmness that doesn’t impede insertion, managable dimensions that don’t shrink to disappointing, a pleasing head, and incredible pours, the medium Illithid in 00-50 is an easy buy recommendation for anyone that doesn’t already have one.

Dildo Review – Sylph by HodgePodgeEntourage

Dildo Review – Sylph by HodgePodgeEntourage

We’re continuing our march through the indie sex toy market with a design by HodgePodgeEntourage(HPE for short) named Sylph. Sylph is definitely one of the more unique designs out there, but the same could be said for all of HPE’s lineup—seriously get a load of their Scylla.

Today though, we’re just talking about Sylph. First, let’s go over the configuration we chose for the review. Sylph can be had in multiple configurations, such as having a different size or firmness. Our Sylph is a “medium” size in 00-30 firmness. Our Sylph glows in the dark(GITD from here on) and is UV reactive. There are gold sparkles throughout. They’re hard to capture on camera, but I had a lovely opportunity to use some natural sunlight today and that really seems to bring them out. You can somewhat make out the fine repeating pattern of what looks to be at least a partially 3d printed manufacturing for the master/mold in person. Don’t fret however, it’s so fine it doesn’t show up in the pictures and doesn’t effect the smooth feel of the Sylph, but it is worth noting about the finish.

[We felt the need to update this section to reiterate that the ‘printer texture’ can hardly be seen and is definitely not felt. The finish is glassy smooth.]

We’re super happy with the coloration on ours and though we couldn’t get to it for the review, we’re eager to see how/if the UV and GITD features play in our bedroom. UV play is something I’ll probably be doing a standalone post about anyway.

So let’s get to the interesting design of the Sylph. As you can see there are multiple frilled ridges starting just below the tip of the head. The ridges become less pronounced as you go down the shaft of the toy ending in a slight mid-shaft bulge before slightly tapering down to the large base. Despite being cast in 00-30, which is super squishy and soft, this design stands under its own weight which allows for either riding or thrusting. Thrusting is easy to do thanks to that large base I just mentioned, it’s very easy to get a good grip on the non-insertable portion of the toy. Emily and I particularly like this design for entry play. Emily notes that the frilled ridges are easy to feel when they penetrate but aren’t sharp or uncomfortable. She can feel the frills on the ridges and she loves to take Sylph all the way out to re-penetrate when she’s playing with it so she can feel that again. A pleasant secondary effect of this design is that the frills carry lubricant in with them.

Sylph is versatile however, and you shouldn’t undersell the mid-shaft bulge. Sylph is great for shallow and deep penetration, something most toys can’t switch-hit on. On that note, Emily loves how flesh-like the 00-30 firmness feels inside her. Despite being an aggressively textured toy it is not a rough one. Beginners and experienced texture lovers alike will enjoy how Sylph delivers aggressive texturing while being gentle enough to prevent soreness. Sylph in medium is also gentle on size, girth queens may want to look elsewhere. This is another feature we’d consider beginner friendly. Below I have our standard chart of measurements and D-Score.

SylphD-Score
Head Diameter1″0.5
First Ridge Diameter
1.75″1.4
Middle Bulge Diameter2.25″2.4
Bottom of Shaft Diameter2″1.9
Usable Length7″n/a

Quick Reminder: D-score is a measurement that essentially gives us the number of median sized dicks to equal the girth of a toy. You can read D-Score more easily as “This is how many dicks this is worth in girth”. So a D-Score of 2.5 would be 2 and a half dicks of girth, to make it simple.

Now on to the really subjective stuff. As my frequent readers may know by now, Emily is a texture fiend and a size queen. We generally only get toys in this size with the intention that they are going to be used for double penetration duty or with a clitoral stimulator or vibrator. So far Sylph has made a very comfortable partner for double penetration. We’ve tried Sylph simultaneously with me vaginally and also with Sylph vaginally while I took the rear, both experiences were pleasant and rewarding. If you’re into the experience of double vaginal penetration Sylph is a very comfortable and stimulating partner. It felt really good and there weren’t any hard bends or uncomfortable features to deal with during that part of our testing. The large base is something to work around but it wasn’t too difficult.

We have not tried Sylph anally but due to the size and squish of our Sylph Emily has put on her definitely-willing-to-attempt list, which is a small and exclusive list indeed. While that’s not much to go on it’s worth noting. We will be updating this review when that happens.

[That Update is Now] 00-30 firmness comes to the rescue for Emily’s anal experience with Sylph. She noted that if the head shape was more blunt she probably would have had a hard time squishing it in there, but the ride was pleasant and pleasurable. She’s not quite experienced enough to go very deep with anal play but she got all the ridges in and then some and entrance sensation is her favorite part of the experience. She’s eager to see what those ridges and frills feel like deeper. Had the ridges been significantly more firm—such as 10A—we’re pretty sure it would have been uncomfortable for her.[End Update]

There’s only one thing really keeping me from recommending this toy to newbies and that’s the price tag. We definitely got our money’s worth from Sylph in this size but we knew exactly what we wanted already and why. Beginners by nature are still exploring their likes and dislikes, and the 90 dollar price tag—before shipping—on the medium, while feature rich, is a bit steep for that sort of discovery process. Don’t get me wrong, it would be hard to find a hand poured platinum silicone toy with a 3 color marble with a split color base, body-safe gold mica shimmer, GITD and UV reactive, for any less but the price is what it is and that puts this item outside of beginner price point territory for us.

We however, are not beginners, and we absolutely adore the Sylph. We’ll probably pick up another in larger size for times when anal isn’t on the menu, but not before we give the interesting Scylla a try. Oh, and since this is our first review for an HPE toy we should mention that the entire purchasing and shipping process was pleasant and done in a timely fashion. We had our ready made Sylph inside of a week of purchase, add some time for customs.

Dildo Review – Tentacle by Goblin Dildo Emporium.

Dildo Review – Tentacle by Goblin Dildo Emporium.

This toy has been in almost every way a pleasant surprise. For those of you who need a tl;dr just go buy this thing you have absolutely nothing to lose. As always, the details are a little more nuanced than that, but this is going to be a pretty glowing review. There was a downside but it is so incredibly minor that Emily didn’t see it—I kept it from her on purpose to see if she’d notice for the review, and I just asked her. Without further ado I give you the Tentacle—small size.

Part 1 – Aesthetics:

Tentacles are no stranger to the fantasy toy community, but they can be pretty polarizing. Some people just are completely turned off by the look of it, while others are really turned on. A lot of us just wanna know how those suckers feel. Goblin’s version of the tentacle comes with the standard suckers but he also adds scaled ridge texture to the backside which I think is a nice touch. Our ‘ready to ship’ model came is a very pleasant pink. There were some slight perfections on the scale side. This is the thing that was so subtle that Emily simply didn’t notice. They’re very very tiny depressed lines in the texture that if I had to compare with anything, would be stretch marks. Again, Emily didn’t even notice these and I don’t think the camera picked them up either.

[On third inspection this texturing appears to be intentional]

They’re included in the review for the sake of completeness. On the flip side, the sucker detailing is superb and there were zero imperfections on the sucker side. The finish is nice as well. I have a toy from another indie manufacturer where you can see 3d printer patterning on the final product. I find nothing remotely resembling that here. There’s not much else to say about the aesthetics for this one. We didn’t get custom colors or sparkles for ours (more on that later). Great job Goblin.

Part 2 – Texture:

Texture is a big selling point of tentacles, mostly for the side with the suckers on. The idea of the suckers sparked curiosity and a little bit of apprehension in Emily when we first started looking into them, and she is by all rights a texture fiend. Would the suckers be too hard? Would the perpendicular angles be too rough? The answer for both of those would be no. I asked Emily to describe how the suckers felt.

They’re very noticeable. It’s not really something I can describe. I can say they felt exactly how I thought they would after watching all that hentai.

-Emily on suckers

Sufficiently aroused, Emily did not need to use lubricant when using this toy vaginally, but we’d both recommend it if you’re using the tentacle to warm up, which it does a great job at. Emily also found the texture comfortable anally, which was something of a shock to both of us and warrants its own section in this review. The 00-50 firmness of the silicone compliments the textures perfectly. It stands firmly on its own but comes with plenty of compressible squish.

To wrap up this section, the texture is noticeable but comfortable and pleasant. This is no Nova and it’s not going to leave you raw or sore after use, which is only a bummer if that’s what you were going for. Another clear win in our book for this tentacle. We would call it beginner friendly even.

Part 3 – Size:

We picked up our tentacle in small. Don’t let that moniker fool you though, ‘small’ in the fantasy toy world is often ‘standard’ and sometimes even ‘large’ in the mainstream sex toy market. The small tentacle measurements are below.

Quick Reminder: D-score is a measurement that essentially gives us the number of median sized dicks to equal the girth of a toy. You can read D-Score more easily as “This is how many dicks this is worth in girth”. So a D-Score of 2.5 would be 2 and a half dicks of girth, to make it simple.

Usable LengthDiameter of TipLargest Diameter
Tentacle6.6″0.9″2.1″
D-ScoresN/A0.42.2

Here you can really see the control the tapered size gives you in managing the girth. The tip starts at a downright petite D-score of 0.4, that’s less than half a median penis. This is straight up beginner friendly. As you move down the tentacle it widens to a D-Score of 2.2, that’s a pretty nice range! A little note on the ‘tip’ measurement, it’s take a small way down. The actual tip is pointed to aid insertion and I’d call it pinky sized. It’s pretty useless to measure the toy there though.

As I’ve mentioned before, Emily is something of a size queen, but the small tentacle gets girthy enough and has the requisite texture to push her buttons satisfactorily when used vaginally. It won’t be winning any A-spot awards but it’s not designed for that, not at this size anyway. On the flip size, Emily is an anal novice, and she found the starting diameter downright pleasant and very workable. This is only the second toy we own to get that praise, which includes our 3 plugs, and the first one she’s comfortable using as a starter.

Part 4 – The Anal Thing:

Perhaps the most surprising thing about this toy for us are the anal applications. But to talk about that we’ll have to talk a little bit about Emily’s body and her brain. When it comes to anal stimulation Emily has very sensitive brakes as Dr. Nagoski would put it. Emily has to be very aroused (or a bit drunk) to want anal stimulation, but when she wants it she really wants it. Small difficulties in the warm-up and prep process for anal play however, will knock her right out of the mood. She’s sensitive to hard firmness and finds it uncomfortable at best. High firmness is, as near as I can tell, usually regarded as a positive for anal experience. Most plugs are very firm, even the silicone ones, the rest are glass or metal—speaking in a body-safe context of course. So Emily’s anal tastes are counter-market and very sensitive to disruption.

So we were both very surprised by the fact that she had a great time with the tentacle anally. She can’t quite hilt it yet, and experienced anal users may find that a bit adorable in a ‘look at the beginner’ kind of way, but that’s exactly the point. We want to stress this toys potential use to people who may have had an interest in anal play but found the same roadblocks Emily did. Another surprise is that Emily wants to work on hilting the tentacle. She’s never enjoyed any toy enough anally to think about its future sustained use.

Part 5 – Usage:

So lets wrap this all together. For us the small Tentacle is a wonderful multi-purpose foreplay-to-coreplay toy whether enjoyed vaginally or anally. It is the first toy in our entire warchest to earn that distinction. Our small Echo from Bad Dragon in medium firmness is another toy she finds comfortable anally but it just doesn’t get the job done vaginally.

Emily also enjoys the small tentacle in a double penetration role for our smaller-to-medium vaginal toys, or as a partner for me to fill whichever area I’m not occupying. On that note, I can somewhat feel the texture of the tentacle through the posterior vaginal wall when the tentacle is used in that role and it’s an intense sensation.

I’ve already mentioned that the tentacle is a good warm-up toy, and that it’s good for core play as well, but we’ve also found it satisfying as a cool down toy too. Our last session involved Emily riding a Large Nova in Firm from Bad Dragon and after and orgasm or two with that she switched to the tentacle and had a great time with it. The shaft of the Nova has a D-Score of 3 by the way, and the harder firmness is intentionally punishing.

Part 6 – Cost, Conclusion, and Manufacturer Rating:

We actually picked up the small Tentacle on a lark. We were talking in reddit about having apprehensions about getting some tentacle styled toys from a competitor, and we were noting the slower taper and worrying about running out of vaginal length before getting to a satisfying girth. Another redditor mentioned the quicker taper on the Goblin toy and the quick shipping from Goblin Dildo Emporium. So we took to the Etsy shop not really expecting to buy anything. Then we saw the small Tentacle on discount for 25 dollars. That’s an absolute steal in the silicone fantasy dildo market and we had a very impulsive “what have we got to lose” buy moment. We were worried that for the price, surely we’d be getting something lower quality. Those were unfounded fears. The finish on this toy is very professional, easily as good as the finish on Bad Dragon toys, which is one of their strongest points in our opinion. The shipping was stupid fast, just as the other user mentioned. Our experience with Goblin Dildo Emporium has been nothing but good. We will probably be getting another larger tentacle in the future for vaginal use and we are going to customize that one.

In conclusion, this is another one of those fantasy toys that has broad appeal and strikes gold in its simple and effective design. Unless the aesthetic of the tentacle turns you off outright, we can recommend the small Tentacle as a nothing-to-lose everything-to-gain staple addition to any warchest and at this price, or even the normal price, we’re issuing a hard buy on this item. It’s making me reconsider adding ‘editor awards’ to my review format—if I had to make one up on the spot, it’d be the “warchest staple”. As much as we enjoy our other toys, and how well they fit us, they all come with lots of caveats when recommending them to others. We love this but….(Emily is a size queen, Emily loves aggressive textures, It’s stupid expensive, etc). The small Tentacle doesn’t suffer from these reservations. Go get one. Get it now (there’s a sale on).

I am not a paid reviewer. My content comes from me and I was not solicited in any manner for this review. My thoughts and opinions are my own.

Dildo Review – Apollo by Bad Dragon

Dildo Review – Apollo by Bad Dragon

Introducing Apollo:

Our Valentines Day happened to closely coincide with a tax return, so in light of the timing and in light of thoroughly enjoying reviewing our warchest for the blog, we dropped some serious cash on expanding our collection. So before all of our new shinies arrive I’d like to give the old guard a proper send off. No I’m not getting rid of them, but a lot of the things we ordered are new to market and we’d like to review those as soon as they get here. Yes, the blog is getting sexier for a little while. Based on our metrics, y’all really don’t mind that.

Last weekend I laid out in great length why fantasy toys are far more niche than they ought to be, and it seemed only prudent that the star of this particular show would be something that perhaps the readers of this blog may just be able to wrap their head around, well, among other things. I’ve already introduced you to our two Apollos but the star of tonight’s show is going to be our medium sized, medium firmness model. I will compare it directly with its large sized option where I think it makes sense, they both deserve some discussion, but the medium is remarkable for being in a sort of Goldilocks zone. For some people it’s going to be about as big as they can handle, for others, about as small as they can go before it’s not interesting anymore, but truth be told, I think the vast bulk of this audience will have a fantastic time with Apollo, and we’re going to show you why. Quick note, this review is written from a vaginal perspective, we do not use this toy anally and will not be stepping outside our area of expertise here.

Part 1 – Aesthetics:

One of the main draws of that fantasy toy market is the aesthetic, and would you just look at this glittery, sparkly, pink-and-gold-and-seafoam hunk of dildo, all six usable inches.

getting the sparkles to show in photos is difficult
from the back

Usually to get a look this bold you have to get a promotional color (fortunately those seem to happen very frequently), but many options available all year long are beautiful and striking. In fact, the ‘signature’ color of Apollo is quite fetching and is never not available.

example of signature

Now the color and the shape are easy to admire and I for one find Apollo to be very easy on the eyes in general, but something else that lends to its overall appearance is probably leaping out at you too, and that takes us to our next section.

Part 2 – Texture

Apollo is an aggressively textured dildo, and your choice of firmness is going to affect greatly just how rough your experience is. Keep in mind, as the size goes lower the ‘felt’ hardness of any given hardness goes down. Emily notes that our medium sized Apollo, the star of this show, nevertheless has more pronounced textures than our large Apollo. We got our large in soft, and our medium in…well, medium. That small change in firmness, even given the massive size difference, is enough to give the smaller version of the toy more aggressive texturing. Most of the community reports, and we concur, that when in doubt, you can’t go wrong with medium firmness.

Lets start with the head, which Emily describes as convincingly finger-like, though much softer, almost like a gentler more accessible form of fisting, it’s easy to see on close inspection how that feeling is achieved.

along the back-side of the head are some tiny ridges, which Emily only really feels if they are pointed posterior and not anterior.

Your mileage of course, may vary. Both features end in a pair if rings, you can see them just below the ‘fingers’ that make up the head and you will definitely feel those. They drive Emily crazy and she emphasizes their definition.

As you clear the head the tiny ridges turn into large pronounced scales. Emily loves to switch-up how they’re oriented. Posterior facing, they stimulate the perineum, which can subtly contribute to orgasm and also relax the anus. Switch the scales to anterior-facing and you get heavy stimulation of the g-spot. These ridges are no joke, and they sit opposite the only area of the toy that lacks in aggressive texture.

Introducing the knot

Say hello to Apollo’s final challenge, the knot. This bulbous feature not only gives a wave cresting sensation but holds Apollo inside you, making the pull-out an aggressive sensation of it’s own, this effect is aided by going ‘against the grain’ of the scales. If you can overcome the knot you should be able to hilt Apollo—fantasy toy slang for touching the base of the toy—and say you trained this dragon.

Part 3 – Size:

Here’s where things get a little number heavy, because choosing the correct size of Apollo can radically change how the toy functions. First of all let’s sort something out, even in medium size you will want to give Apollo plenty of lube. Only if you’re the type to get extremely wet will you be able to go without, and it will probably diminish the experience anyway. Emily can take a large Apollo to the hilt with enough time, but even she won’t tackle a medium without some lubricant. As a reminder, NEVER EVER USE SILICONE LUBRICANT ON A SILICONE TOY, YOU WILL RUIN IT. We went over Apollo’s exact measurements in a recent post illustrating why we use D-score. It’s the same post I linked earlier in the article. There are some handy tables there that should be quick to find that give the stats. Here they are again for the sake of convenience. Keep in mind, the only place you’ll encounter the shaft measurement is the tiny area between the head and the knot, and below the knot.

MediumLargeCoke Can 12oz
Diameter of Head2.25″3″2.6″
Diameter of Knot2.5″3.25″2.6″
Diameter of Shaft1.75″2.5″2.6″
Total Length7.75″9.75″4.8″
Usable Length6″8″4.8″
D-Score Head2.44.23.2
D-Score Knot353.2

Quick Reminder: D-score is a measurement that essentially gives us the number of median sized dicks to equal the girth of a toy. You can read D-Score more easily as “This is how many dicks this is worth in girth”. So a D-Score of 2.5 would be 2 and a half dicks of girth, to make it simple.

Part 4 – Philosophy of Use:

How close Apollo is to your limits is going to affect how you play with him, and ultimately what size you choose. It should be noted, that there are small, and XL sizes, but since we don’t own either of those we won’t pontificate on them. For some of you I’m sure medium will be near or at the edge of what you can currently take and you’ll have to work to conquer Apollo. You can enjoy the medium the way Emily enjoys the large, as a stretcher toy.

But what is a stretcher toy anyway? It’s not something that’s generally advertised. Most toys are billed as penis replacements and are built around the idea that you’ll be heavily thrusting with them. With large Apollo, Emily has managed to have an orgasm simply from the sense of fullness after conquering the knot. This is what a stretcher toy does.

For others, the medium experience will be much like Emily’s, if not now, at a future date, and after a little bit of warm-up you’ll be able to enjoy Apollo as a girthy, highly textured thrusting toy. Emily doesn’t last very long when using Apollo this way, and you may want to practice edging, though that’s a whole ‘nother blog.

On the note of enjoying medium Apollo as a thrusting toy, at 6 inches usable depth Apollo is squatty enough that he may not hit your cervix if you find that painful, though he might bump it a little. If you have a very sensitive cervix you may want to consider dropping a firmness level to soft. You’d be amazed at just how hard most mainstream toys are, even compared to medium firmness. This squatty but girthy design gives some women options they didn’t have before when it comes to how forceful they can be while thrusting a toy.

Part 5 – Accessories:

Apollo can be equipped with a cumtube and/or a suction cup. The former allows you to apply lube while in use, and also to simulate having the toy cum inside you—a sensation many find uniquely stimulating, and that many more enjoy watching. This is definitely a couples feature if nothing else. The suction cup option is built into the base, and if you’ve ever used suction cups before you might be thinking “oh there’s no way that’s sticking to my wall”. Well, you might be right but I doubt it, the suction cups on Bad-Dragon toys are very strong, in fact, you might want to be more concerned about taking the paint off your wall than the toy slipping off. I’ve seen these toys, when appropriately left alone, remain attached to a wall for weeks.

In our opinion an Apollo without a suction cup is 10 bucks you shouldn’t have saved. The cumtube is a matter of personal preference and if you’re on the fence about it, I’d actually not include it, especially if this is your first round with a fantasy toy. If you do opt for the cumtube—for the record, we find it a ton of fun—you will also get a complimentary 8oz bottle of cumlube which we’ve already reviewed.

Part 6 – Cost and Conclusion:

An Apollo in medium size can be had for between 105-155 U.S. dollars depending on your coloration choices and options. The former is with a ‘free’ color, such as the natural coloration or glow-in-the-dark purple with no accessories and the latter is with the signature coloration and both a suction cup and a cumtube. A middle of the road configuration might be the promotional coloration and a suction cup, which would land you at 130 dollars. Whichever route you go remember that you’re not spending any less than 105+Shipping and I suggest getting what you actually want rather than trying to save 20 bucks on a 150 dollar toy. The cost may be a deterring factor but Emily and I find it quite worth it.

You may want to regularly check the clearance section on Bad Dragon for an Apollo in the configuration you are looking for, you can save a non-trivial amount of money if you strike it lucky and toys from the clearance section do not have to be made before they are shipped, that can get your toy to you weeks or even a month or more faster than ordering made-to-order. Something to consider.

In conclusion, despite the price, we find Apollo to be worth absolutely every penny, we bought two, and the large is even more expensive. Whether you are using Apollo as an orgasmic stretcher or a punishing thruster, we are sure you will not regret owning one, the only thing you may regret, is the wait.

You can customize yours here. https://bad-dragon.com/products/apollo