She Needs to Feel Sexy

I used a word as strong as need intentionally. We’ll get to that in a second.

So I was reading through some posts on Ashley Danielle’s page and she had something up about picking a sexy dress out for Vegas. As she was communicating her desire to feel sexy—which in itself is the emotion of feeling sexually desirable—I recalled moments when my wife expressed the same thing.

The thing I remembered in particular was when Emily was having body image issues after our third child. Yes, some things happened to her body that she felt were less attractive, but she was focusing on those to the point she couldn’t see the beautiful woman that she still is. My attempts to convince her otherwise weren’t working. In our case we did something a bit drastic, risky, but something I was real confident about. Emily is a stunning woman, pregnancy battle scars included, and she was not only succumbing to a negative internal image but her photoshop detector wasn’t working properly either. She couldn’t really perceive the laughably harsh soft filtering on pictures of models and insta. I just happened to be learning photoshop at the time.

So I did two things. One, and this is admittedly extreme, I got her to throw her image out to the harsh judgement of the internet, something I assured her would be positive despite its reputation, and I was right. The next thing I did was take a picture of her, and photoshopped it until it looked like what I was seeing through my husband goggles. For some reason, that maneuver really punched through, though the first thing also did its job very well. Emily started to feel confident and sexy again.

I think that’s an emotional need that often isn’t treated as seriously as say, the need to be loved. There’s a little insecurity in accepting praise at face value from your spouse. How can your wife be assured that you aren’t just trying to avoid the couch after all? By seeking the honest validation of strangers she can be assured that your praise is not a white lie. A little black dress is more than an outfit, it’s a reminder with each noticed sideways glance that your desire for her may be based on something more tangible than just aiming to please, it will let her accept the idea that you actually desire her, the way a stranger might. I guarantee you, that will make her feel better about her body, and it will turn her on. She needs to feel sexy because she wants to know you want her. Deny yourself the benefits at your own peril.

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